He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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