May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have fence marks all over my body
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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