the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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