At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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