How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
