did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
