at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
