When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
