I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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