It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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