Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Randomize
