Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
