I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
