The brown eye won't let me do that either.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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