i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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