Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
