i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize