your room smells of hookers.
And success
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
