You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize