And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?