dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.