i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.