She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!