I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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