If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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