I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
