Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
