I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Someone came in the potted fern
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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