I want to make a zoo with you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
