I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
