I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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