he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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