So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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