i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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