awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
