found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
