If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
