dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
