you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
this hospital has no fireball
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
