Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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