you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
