You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
