so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
