this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
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The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
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While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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