I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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