well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
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i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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