Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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