I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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