i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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