remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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