I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
