Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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