You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
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One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
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Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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