if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
