tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
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At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
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Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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