Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
