Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
