real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
