she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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