I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
