my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
